Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
