i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
