That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize