I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
