she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
