I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I could fuck to npr.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize