Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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