Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
