i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
