I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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