i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
