About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
