I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
