using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
