My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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