I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
