awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
please come you make the beer taste better
Little spoons don't ask big questions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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