Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
