So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
