i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
