Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
