he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize