A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
