in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
