if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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