Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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