I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
