so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
