I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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