Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
