ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
