He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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