another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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