Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
