I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
