cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
