I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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