I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
