You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize