im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Are we still banned from the library?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
