Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
