Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
