So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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