This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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