Already got asked if we're dating
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
