I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
