So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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