Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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