I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
