M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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