The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's never too late to be topless.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
