Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
