dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
