I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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