I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
