it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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