I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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