My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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