how hairy? two words: wookie tits
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
