Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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