just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
