:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
