That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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