Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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