he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
