I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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