My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
