the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
