I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
